To See If I Can Catch A Dream
by WinterSky101
Summary: Bail faces a tragedy and an unexpected blessing. Third in "Reinvent Love."


**Title is from "She Had The World" by Panic! at the Disco.**

 **Since I assume some people are unfamiliar with her, Winter Celchu, née Retrac, is a Legends character I'm fond of. She will play a role in future pieces of this series, but no real knowledge of her Legends character will be necessary. I've only read four Legends books with her (the Thrawn Trilogy and Scoundrels) so if anyone has any suggestions of Legends books featuring her character, I would be very interested.**

* * *

The call comes through to Bail's comm at a little past two in the morning. He's still half asleep when he answers it, almost knocking the comm off the table twice in his attempts to grab it. He rubs his eyes as he finally manages to turn it on and take the call.

And then he's awake in an instant.

 _"…It was an accident, as far as we can tell…"_ the voice on the other end of the comm is saying, but Bail barely hears him. _"Miss Retrac was your aide, correct?"_

"She was," Bail replies, his voice hoarse. "Where… How…?"

 _"It was a speeder crash, Senator,"_ the officer replies. _"There doesn't seem to have been any foul play involved."_

Foul play or not, Sheltay is still dead. Bail swallows hard. "Thank you for contacting me," he says. "Please keep me updated if you discover anything else. Where is the body?"

 _"We'll tell you if we have any developments, sir. The body is being transported to the morgue."_

"Thank you," Bail murmurs, shutting off the comm and setting it aside. He'll have to make arrangements to have Sheltay's body sent back to Alderaan. And then…

Bail covers his face with his hands and groans. There's one thought that keeps cycling through his mind, unable to be silenced.

 _She had a daughter._

Bail checks the time difference, then holocalls Breha. It's morning for her, early enough that she won't be busy but late enough that she'll be awake. _"B?"_ she asks when she answers, her blue image flickering to life. _"Is something wrong?"_

"Sheltay's dead," Bail says hoarsely, not bothering with pleasantries. Breha's hands fly to her mouth in horror. "A speeder accident. I'll bring back the body as soon as I can make arrangements with the Senate."

 _"I can't believe it,"_ Breha whispers. _"What about Winter?"_

"I don't know," Bail replies, running a hand down his face. "Her father-"

 _"Sheltay never said anything about him, except that he was an artist and he was dead,"_ Breha replies. _"And she had no family. The poor girl is alone."_

"She's around six months old, isn't she?" Bail asks, frowning. "The same age as Luke and Leia."

 _"I go to the nursery every day, Bail,"_ Breha says, her voice rising slightly. _"I visit her while her mother is on Coruscant. How am I going to face her today? I know she's only a baby, but-"_

"Make sure she knows that, even with her mother gone, she is still loved," Bail replies. He feels exhausted, weighed down by a combination of tiredness and grief. "She'll have to stay in the nursery until arrangements can be made."

 _"I don't think Sheltay made any,"_ Breha says. Of course she wouldn't have. No one, Sheltay least of all, expected her to die any time soon. _"Bail…"_

"What are you thinking, Breha?" Bail asks warily.

 _"She needs a place where she'll be loved,"_ Breha says simply. _"She would be loved with us."_

"Breha…" Bail sighs. They've been thinking of adopting, yes, and both he and Breha would love a baby girl, but Bail isn't sure that he could ever look Sheltay's daughter in the eye without thinking of her mother, and the little girl doesn't deserve that.

 _"We don't have to make a decision now,"_ Breha says gently. _"It's just a thought. You should go back to sleep, B."_

Bail groans. He should sleep - he has a meeting with Padmé and Mon Mothma in the morning, and then another one with half a dozen other Senators after lunch, and then he's sitting in on a holomeeting between Padmé and Queen Apailana in the evening - but he's not sure that he'll be able to. He can't stop thinking about Sheltay and the daughter she's leaving behind, and now Breha's words are echoing in his head. _She would be loved with us._ Is that reason enough to adopt a child?

Breha must be able to read Bail's expression even through the grainy image, for she begins to croon a traditional Alderaanian lullaby, her voice gentle and lulling. Bail takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, then he lies down in his bed and lets Breha's singing ease him back into sleep.

* * *

"Bail, you look exhausted!" Padmé cries the next morning when he enters her office. It's barely recognizable as Palpatine's anymore, since Padmé's first act as Empress was to renovate the office so completely she might as well have torn the whole thing down and rebuilt it from the ground up. It's much nicer now than it ever was when Palpatine used it.

"Are you alright?" Mon asks, looking concerned.

"Did something happen?" Padmé demands, taking Bail by the hands and leading him to a chair.

"Sheltay Retrac," Bail says heavily. "My aide. She… She died last night in a speeder accident."

"Oh, Bail," Padmé whispers, kneeling in front of him. "Oh, Bail, I'm so sorry."

"I have to bring her body back to Alderaan," Bail says, leaning forward and raking his hands through his hair. "I'll need to make arrangements-"

"I'll make them," Mon assures him. "Don't worry about it, Bail. I can take your place at the meeting later today."

"And I can meet with Queen Apailana without you," Padmé adds. "You should go home, Bail. Make your arrangements, but don't worry too much about them." Padmé is quiet for a moment, then she adds, "Didn't Sheltay have a daughter?"

"Winter," Bail confirms. "She's on Alderaan, being cared for in the palace nursery." Bail doesn't mention Breha's idea of adopting her.

"Poor child," Mon murmurs. "Go to Alderaan, Bail. We'll take care of things in your absence."

"I can call for a speeder to pick you up," Padmé offers.

"I'll need to go to my office to collect a few things."

"I'll have the speeder pick you up from the landing pad nearest to your office," Padmé says. "Let us handle things, Bail. Just go home."

Bail nods, standing slowly. 'Thank you."

Padmé pulls Bail into a tight hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I'm so sorry about Sheltay."

Mon steps forward and grips Bail's forearm, squeezing it slightly. "We'll arrange everything here. You don't have to worry."

"Thank you." The words feel inadequate, but Bail can think of nothing else to say. "Thank you."

"Go," Padmé urges. "Go home, Bail, for as long as you want to. You don't need to hurry back."

"May the Force be with you," Mon adds, and Bail nods and leaves the office.

His own office is half a dozen floors below Padmé's, which can make going back and forth between the two irritating. Padmé has offered to give him a new office closer to hers, but Bail likes his office, likes the way he's made it just how he likes it in his years in the Senate. Padmé, who Bail knows still misses her office despite the months that have passed since she last used it, doesn't push.

Still, with the speed of the lifts, it doesn't take long for Bail to reach his office. He enters quickly, picking up the few datapads scattered across his desk. He doesn't need all of them, but he'd rather they be in his apartment than in his office while he's gone. When they're all stashed in his bag, Bail does a final scan of his office, shoves a wayward comm unit into his bag, and heads out for the landing pad.

"Over here, Bail," a familiar voice calls. Bail blinks in surprise at the sight of Obi-Wan sitting behind the controls of a speeder, apparently waiting for him.

"I hadn't expected to see you here," Bail remarks as he crosses to the speeder, putting his bag in the back and climbing into the seat next to Obi-Wan.

"Padmé thought you might want to talk," Obi-Wan explains, easing the speeder into the morning traffic. "She told me about Sheltay."

"Did you ever meet her?" Bail asks, trying to remember.

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "Only once, and for less than a minute. Padmé tells me she was a wonderful woman."

"She was," Bail agrees. "Did Padmé tell you she has a daughter?"

"The same age as Luke and Leia, isn't she?"

"A week older." Bail sighs and lets loose the words on the tip of his tongue. "Breha suggested that we adopt her."

Obi-Wan shoots Bail a sideways look. "What do you think about it?"

"I'm worried that I'll never be able to see her as anything but Sheltay's daughter," Bail admits. "The child deserves to be more than the ghost of her mother."

"If you adopt her, I think you'll see her as more than the ghost of her mother," Obi-Wan replies. "And I'm sure she couldn't ask for a better father."

"And I worry it would look…" Bail groans. "I don't know. Opportunistic? As if I stole the child away the second her mother died. As if her mother's death was a blessing because it gave me a child."

"No one would think that," Obi-Wan replies gently. "Bail, you would be helping a child with no one else in the universe to help her."

"So you think we should take her in."

"I think you should do what you feel is right," Obi-Wan replies, which is one of his horrible non-answers that Anakin whines about all the time. "And I think you already know what you intend to do, Bail."

"I don't," Bail retorts. "Can't you just-" He wiggles his fingers. "Use the Force to tell me what I should do?"

"Unfortunately, the Force doesn't work like that," Obi-Wan replies, a slight smile on his face. "You'll figure it out, Bail, I know you will."

"Do you really think I would be a good father?" Bail asks, somewhat tentative. He longs for a child - he and Breha have tried so many times and he longs so deeply - but he worries that he's not ready.

"Sometimes, I think Leia likes you better than me or Anakin," Obi-Wan replies. "And Luke loves you as well. I think you're mad to be so desperate for this, but you'll be a good father."

"The twins still keeping you up all night?" Bail asks, grinning.

"Last night was my turn," Obi-Wan groans. "Anakin and I try not to make Padmé wake up too often, since she has so many meetings, but I have to admit, I don't enjoy waking up a dozen times throughout the night."

"You look exhausted," Bail offers.

Obi-Wan groans again. "I ran into Yoda this morning as well."

Bail winces sympathetically. Yoda has been relentless in trying to stop Obi-Wan and Anakin from making their own school for Force-sensitive children, and Obi-Wan has borne the brunt of it. Bail knows for a fact that Anakin is ready to do whatever it takes to get Yoda to keep Obi-Wan alone - he recalls Anakin threatening to "decapitate the stupid little troll" under his breath - but Obi-Wan hasn't let him interfere. Bail privately thinks it won't be long before Anakin takes matters into his own hands and interferes, Obi-Wan's wishes be damned. He'll never admit that he hopes that happens sooner rather than later. He'd like to give Yoda a piece of his mind as well, but Anakin is probably better suited to the task.

"You didn't have to come get me if you're so tired," Bail remarks, frowning.

"It's still more sleep than I think I ever got through the war," Obi-Wan dismisses. He can be oddly flippant about the war sometimes, especially considering Bail saw how bone white his face went the first time a clone trooper pointed his blaster in Obi-Wan's general direction. He looks uncomfortable every time someone calls him General. Anakin and Padmé have been on a campaign to help Obi-Wan feel more comfortable with his emotions, and while Bail approves wholeheartedly of the idea, he's also fairly certain that once Obi-Wan fully opens that door, an avalanche of trauma is going to do its best to bury him. He still remembers the way Obi-Wan screamed on the way to Zigoola when his nightmares struck, and he has no doubt that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of other moments that would prompt the same response.

"We're here," Obi-Wan says quietly when he reaches the landing pad outside Bail's apartment. "Do you need any help packing?"

"I'm going to comm Breha," Bail replies, shaking his head. He forces a slight smile. "Shall I tell her you say hello?"

"Tell her I hope to visit soon," Obi-Wan replies. "I'd like to see Alderaan again."

"And we'd like to have you again," Bail replies. He pauses for a moment, then leans across the speeder and embraces Obi-Wan. It takes a second, but Obi-Wan wraps his arms around Bail in response, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Call me when you reach Alderaan," Obi-Wan requests softly. "And call me if you need anything. I'll answer."

"It's really a shame Padmé and Anakin snatched you up," Bail says, forcing a smile. "Breha and I would have done it otherwise."

"Go on, flatterer," Obi-Wan urges, a smile in his eyes.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan," Bail says, then he grabs his bag and clambers out of the speeder. Obi-Wan waits until he enters the building to fly off.

Bail's apartment is just as he left it that morning, a half-packed bag waiting on his bed in anticipation of his trip to Alderaan, a few datapads scattered across his desk, a cup sitting in his sink that he has to wash. It's simple enough to finish packing the bag, put away the datapads, and wash the cup. Then he writes up a flight plan and calls Breha.

 _"Bail."_ Her face is lined with concern. _"Are you alright? You look dreadful."_

"Everyone keeps saying that," Bail replies in a weak attempt at humor. "Padmé told me to go straight to Alderaan. I'll be leaving Coruscant within the hour, so I should be home by mid afternoon."

 _"I'll have everything prepared,"_ Breha replies. _"Sheltay doesn't have any family here, does she?"_

"None," Bail replies. "But she has friends in the palace who'll mourn her."

 _"I was actually on my way to the nursery to visit Winter,"_ Breha says carefully. _"Do you want me to bring you along with me?"_

Bail swallows and hopes it isn't visible through the hologram. "I should get to the shipyards," he replies instead. "The sooner I leave Coruscant, the sooner I can get home."

 _"Call me before you land,"_ Breha requests. _"I'll be there to greet you."_

"I can't wait to see you." It's true, although Bail wishes he could see Breha under less horrible circumstances. "Oh, and Obi-Wan says hello and hopes to see you soon."

 _"I still can't believe you told him that we wanted to sleep with him,"_ Breha whines. _"How am I supposed to look him in the eye? How am I supposed to look_ Padmé _in the eye now that she's seeing him?"_

"Don't worry, Padmé understands that Obi-Wan is universally attractive," Bail replies with a slight smile. "Obi-Wan doesn't, but Padmé and Anakin definitely do."

 _"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"_ Breha demands. _"You're the worst. See you soon."_

"See you soon," Bail replies, blowing Breha a kiss. She blows one back, then she hangs up on her end and Bail does the same on his.

He's made arrangements for Sheltay's body to be brought to his ship, so it should already be stowed away. All of his things should be there as well, except the bag that he has on his floor. He won't need much.

Bail looks around, determines that there's no real way to delay anymore, and heads out to the shipyards.

* * *

Breha is waiting for Bail at the landing pad, just as she promised. She's the only one there, which is unusual for the arrival of the Prince of Alderaan. Bail is glad of it, though. He only barely manages to keep his composure long enough to stagger into his wife's arms, and once she starts to hold him, he finds himself sobbing.

"Hush, now," Breha whispers, running one hand through his hair. "Hush, Bail, it's alright."

"She's _dead_ , Breha," Bail replies, his voice shaking. "She's dead-"

"I know," Breha replies heavily. "I know."

Sheltay had been one of his aides for years, and the head of his aides for almost two. She and Bail had become friends. The horrible thing is, if it had happened a year before, during the war, Bail thinks he would have been able to compartmentalize it better. He lost friends during the war, and he mourned them, but he'd didn't fall to pieces like this. But it's been six months since the war ended, and they're all supposed to be _safe_ , and it isn't fair.

"I know it's not fair," Breha whispers. Bail wonders how much of that he said aloud. "I know, love, I know."

"Where's her child?" Bail asks, his voice hoarse as he pulls away from Breha and wipes at his eyes.

"You want to see Winter?" Breha asks, sounding surprised. "I didn't think you'd want to see her so soon."

"I owe it to her," Bail replies. He keeps thinking about what Obi-Wan said. _I think you already know what you intend to do._ Bail doesn't think he knows, but Obi-Wan is perceptive, and this wouldn't be the first time he knew Bail's mind before Bail himself. Perhaps, perhaps…

Breha waves a hand and servants come scurrying out of the palace. "They'll handle the ship," she says, taking Bail's arm and tucking it around hers. "Come with me and see Winter."

The path to the nursery is only vaguely familiar. Bail hasn't gone to it very often, since Breha hasn't been able to have a child of her own. He's barely been to Alderaan since Sheltay gave birth to Winter, so he hasn't seen the child for a long time. He knows about how big she should be, given how much time he spends with Luke and Leia, but he's still surprised to see a six month old child and not a newborn infant.

"Her hair is so light," Bail says quietly as he looks at the sleeping baby in the crib.

"The nurses say that it's likely to stay that way," Breha replies. "She must get it from her father. Her eyes are the same shape as Sheltay's."

"Breha…" Bail sighs and sits down in one of the chairs scattered around the nursery. Breha sits next to him, her hand on his knee. "Do you really think we should adopt her as our own?"

"If we don't take her in, who will?" Breha replies. "She has no one, Bail, and we could love her so much."

Bail looks at the sleeping baby again. "We don't have to decide now," Breha adds gently. "But Bail, I think we could all be happy."

"Is that a good enough reason to adopt a child?" Bail asks.

Breha blinks at him. "Bail, it's the _best_ reason."

Winter lets out a soft sigh and opens her eyes. Breha stands and crosses to the crib, picking her up. "Come see her, B," she urges.

Bail steps forward and looks down at Winter, who's eyeing Breha's dress the same way Leia eyes Bail's cape. Bail's pretty sure it's about to find its way into Winter's mouth. Then Winter looks at Bail and Bail isn't Force sensitive, but he swears he can feel something in the universe shiver and slide into place.

"Do you want to hold her?" Breha asks. Bail takes Winter into his arms. She relaxes against his chest, a tiny fistful of his cape in her mouth immediately. "She likes your cape," Breha remarks with amusement.

"So does Leia," Bail replies, not looking away from Winter. "Breha…"

"It feels right, doesn't it?" Breha asks. "I don't know what it is, but it feels right."

"Obi-Wan would say it's the Force," Bail says. He presses a gentle kiss to the top of Winter's head. "I think it means she's supposed to be ours."

"You do?" Breha asks, her eyes wide.

 _I think you already know what you intend to do,_ Obi-Wan had said, and Bail hadn't thought he was right, but now he thinks he was. "I do."

Breha hugs Bail, sandwiching Winter between them. Winter lets out a happy noise as she gnaws on Bail's cape. Bail rests his head on Breha's, kissing her hair.

None of them are Force sensitive, but if they were, they'd be able to hear the Force _sing_.


End file.
